Normal is Overrated…Right?
My friends and I always worry about our actions when we parent. We ask ourselves daily if what we are doing is going to mess up our kids. I’m pretty sure some of the answers are yes, but it was nice to know I wasn’t alone in some of my choices. Maybe our kids can get together for one large support group when it’s all said and done. Here are some of the activities I do that make me wonder if I’m normal. Do any of you do this? 
Am I a Normal Mom When it Comes to Music?
“Rock a bye baby on the treetop, when the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all.”
Wait what? Are you kidding me? THIS is what this song has said all of these years? How can that mother be so irresponsible? Why is the cradle in the treetop? How would I ever sing this to my babies each night? I changed that song: “When the bough breaks, the cradle won’t fall, because mom will catch baby, cradle and all.” That’s normal right? I hope so, because I have also been known to change “You are my Sunshine” and “Jesus Loves ________” to include my kids’ names and “mommy”, and it isn’t until we are in mixed company singing those, that I realize I forgot to tell them the real words. That will be fodder for angst later, but it’s so fun when they’re little.
Songs on the Radio that I Edit
There are songs that I like that I will absolutely not listen to in the car when my children are present. I can’t do it yet. I’m not sure why. I don’t remember anyone changing the station when Unskinny Bop by Poison came on or More than Words by Extreme. I didn’t know what any of these were talking about when I was young. However, my children are a lot smarter than I ever was, so I’ve got to edit until I feel comfortable. When it’s my middle schooler and I alone in the car, I leave these questionable tunes on. After all, middle school is essentially Skid Row. He’s seen and heard worse on a random Wednesday. Still there are songs that are too much for my littles. Some songs by The Weeknd; some by Nine Inch Nails; some Sublime; and a couple of Hank Williams Jr. songs would require too many creative explanations if the questions start to flow. But there are songs that my kids and I totally own in the car. Like, full on, show-stopping magic. Most of them are by Bruno Mars, Macklemore, and my daugher and I tear it down with some Ariana Grande. When the naughty parts come up, I nonchalantly turn it down, ask my kids a pre-planned question, and then turn it back up for us to enjoy. Does anyone else do this, or do you let the expletives fly and use each song as a “teachable moment”?
Am I a Normal Mom by Finding a Happy Place?
Most of the time, my children and I have great conversations. They are funny and interesting, and I try to take in all of their day when they talk to me. I’m very present during these times and very engaged. And then, all of the sudden, one of them will start to talk about Minecraft. My favorite “happy place” during Minecraft conversations with my 8-year-old is a sandy beach in Mexico. The sun is high in the sky, my drink is cold and colorful, and I can only hear the waves. I can “Uh huh” and “Oh, okay” through tales of creepers and endermen, and he’s none the wiser.
What about that bottle flipping, anyone? If you’re like me and most moms I know, there is nothing worse than the sound of a plastic bottle hitting some surface of your house. I dislike this game so much, that I feel like it’s ruining my relationship with my 11-year-old. When he begins recalling his bottle flipping successes with pride in his eyes, I go in my mind to my last girls’ trip or a fun night out with friends. 
This allows me to smile through this middle school practice that I don’t understand and keep a strong bond with my oldest. Do you have a happy place of comfort during emergencies such as these? Share the wealth.
Am I a Normal Mom with What I Say?
If you think back, we were all pretty sure we’d have families. We were all pretty sure we’d have pets, and kids, and a house, and a hobby, but there are some things we never thought we’d do or say. I have been known to say some weird things like, “Put the hammer down before you go down the slide.” and “God, Jesus, and Santa know if you are telling the truth.” or “If you have to walk around naked, at least stay away from the windows.” One of my friends refers to her daughter as “Gigabit” due to the large amount of data she uses on their plan. Our phrases we mutter, if separated from the moment and put into a list, can be pretty silly. Some of my beloved mom friends helped add to this list. They make me feel like I have company in the crazy things I’d never thought I’d say:
“Putting on clean underwear means you have to take off the pair you are already wearing.”
“We don’t put crayons in our butts.”
“The baby does not take a bath in the toilet honey.”
“It is not nice to call people poopie butt.”
“You’re getting pee everywhere.”
“Because I said so.” –Why is this not good enough? We all swore we wouldn’t say this.
“Stop chewing on that piece of glass.”
We may have never thought we’d say these things, but here we are, basking in the glory of parenting. Life is so funny with children. Their questions and their answers make each day pretty sparkly…unless they are talking about Minecraft. What are your normal parenting questions?