Moms of Twins Part 3: Sharing Rooms, Calling Them “The Twins”, & Things to Ponder

Times have definitely changed and modern medicine helps a lot in bringing twins, triplets, and more into the world safely. Yet, it is still up to parents to take on the heightened challenge of raising these little miracles. I have written about the newborn stage, school days, and the celebration of birthdays already, so this last installment is full of things to ponder regarding room sharing, labeling multiples, and more.

Thanks again to the five wonderful moms who contributed and basically wrote these articles with their answers. I know I learned a lot and I hope others did as well.

The Mommy Experts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q1: Do your twins share a room?

My daughters share a room and are good friends for being only twenty-eight months apart in age. I often wonder if they will always share a room or one day wake up and crave independence. I also have two sons that at some point will be roommates because I think cohabiting within four walls builds character and prepares kids well for college dorm life. It was neat to get these moms’ opinions because while it seems logical to have twins always bunk together, for some sharing a room was not the best option.

Anna: Eva and Mia do share a room with two cribs. They started waking each other up though so now we rotate them and one sleeps in our LARGE walk-in closet in a portable crib. I know this sounds cruel, but it’s a large room and having that wall between them means one can wake up and chatter all she wants while the other stays in sleepy-town. Once we move them to big girl beds (around age two) we’ll put them back together. Then I’m sure they’ll be up to all kinds of shenanigans during the night!

Julie: Our twins share rooms. One reason is we bought this house thinking we would only have one set of twins, but now that we have two sets of twins we have talked about adding another room. However, the kids have told us they want to stay together. We have enough space that if they want to be alone they can.

Cortni: The boys share a room because it’s always been this way. This is all they know. When they were babies, it was nice because they helped to self sooth each other. It was fun to listen to their conversations and their own private language as they talked to each other from their cribs. As they have grown, they prefer to sleep in the same room together. I think perhaps it’s comforting for them to know they have each other to fight the monster under the bed.

Heather: My twins (a boy and a girl) shared a crib for their first six months of life, then a room until they were in Kindergarten. They have a younger sister and we waited until she was out of her toddler bed before splitting the twins. Now our girls share a room and my son has his own, but every now and then they do “sleepovers” in the other’s room.

Jen: Our twins do not share a room. They shared a room until they were about four months old. Our son was not a good sleeper and my daughter was, so to make it easier, we would always wake them both up to do night feedings regardless of who woke us up crying, Eventually, we noticed it was rarely my daughter that was waking us up. We moved my son into a different room so she could sleep better and then eventually we were able to sleep better too. At this point, they enjoy playing in one another’s rooms, but they like having their own space. They are still napping in the afternoon at 3 and a half years old, and I know this would not be happening if they were sharing a room. Basically, room assignments all came down to sleep! We wanted more of it! My son had to learn how to cry it out in his own room. When they were newborns we tried to put them in the same crib because we hoped that our daughter would be able to soothe our son. He loved it and would scoot over to try to be near her, but she would cry if he touched her and would calm right down whenever she got to be in her own space.

Q2: Do you cringe if your twins are referred to solely as “the twins”, “the boys”, or “the girls”, and not by individual name?

I have a lot of kids and definitely do my fair share of labeling “the girls” and “the boys” or even “the older ones” and the “younger ones”. However, the majority of the time my children are called by name and never bulked into a group identity. Multiples are a packaged deal with their siblings from the start, so I asked this question because I wondered if the twins labels contributes to their identity or if it causes their parents to go out of their way to never group them by a label.

Anna: No, we call them “the girls” mainly. It might have been different if they were our first or only children. A lot would be different. We wouldn’t be as laid back and we’d be trying to do things by the book, which just doesn’t work with twins.

Julie: We call them all of those things (the twins, the girls, and the boys) because it’s a part of who they are. They are twins and that makes them special. They have a unique situation and it’s a blessing.

Cortni: Everyone, including myself, usually calls them “the boys” when referring to both of them. But occasionally they get called by their names. It doesn’t bother me either way because they know they are twins.

Heather: I refer to them as “the twins” or “the older kids” sometimes. Now that they are older, many people do not realize they are twins due to their height difference. I do not mind them being called “the twins” since when they were born it seemed very unique at that time to be a twin. Now we are surrounded by twins, for example our youngest had four sets of twins come to her preschool birthday party in May!

Jen: It does not bother me at all when people refer to them as “the twins”. I know that they are not trying to belittle my children. I, myself, refer to them as “the babies,” constantly and probably will still be calling them that when we are out shopping for prom dresses and tuxedos. I think it helps that my twins both have their own very defined personalities and identities. First of all, they are different because they are a boy and a girl. Secondly, their personalities could not be more different. Thirdly, they do not look alike at all. They are their own people and they know it. It doesn’t matter what people call them.

Q3: What questions would you have liked to answer or What do you want people to know concerning raising twins?

Profile pieces for magazines and Family Footnote are sort of my writing niche. I love interviewing and surveying people in order to learn more about a topic. I try to end each question and answer session the same way, by asking “What did I forget to ask?”It is amazing what can be learned from sources when I admit out loud to not knowing it all (because I definitely do not!).

Anna: I think a lot about how having multiples puts you in a spotlight. I prefer remaining anonymous. I’ve never liked attention, and it does make you feel like people are judging how you’re parenting more so you’re harder on yourself. But in all reality I have to step back and tell myself they’re probably just staring because 1) They’re identical twins, 2) A family of six looks rather large, or 3) They’re in awe of how we do it and still have a smile on our faces.

Julie: When having multiples be prepared for (almost) everyone talking to you, and the questions that will be repeated over and over. Are they twins? Are they identical? How do you tell them apart? I wish I had twins!! You are doubly blessed! Was it hard nursing two babies? Did you use IVF? Do twins run in the family? Are you going to have more? I bet you’re busy {wink, wink}. Some questions/comments are completely an invasion and absolutely none of their business, but I like to believe that every time this happens and it happens A LOT, it’s a chance to teach my children how to be nice to people. The other biggie that has been the piece of advice I give out (if asked) is when a kid asked for something always have them take one for their twin. My boys now buckle their sisters, help with their snacks, get all the toothbrushes ready, grab all the water bottles for outings. It has taught them to share and to think about others, and it has made me less of a maid.

Cortni: One of the most challenging things about raising twins is to first not compare them to each other and second encourage each one individually without having the other feel bad. My twin boys have such different personalities. We call them our “ying and yang” because they are so opposite, but balance each other out perfectly. One twin is very concrete in his thinking versus the other who is very creative and abstract. One has an introvert personality versus the other who is an extrovert. This was apparent even back when they were babies. This presents the challenge of acknowledging their differences without making the other feel bad. Naturally, there is a bit of competition too so we try to prevent it from being negative competition. Parenting them to know when to lead and also encouraging them step outside their comfort zones to learn and grow without creating competition is challenging simply because they are so used to doing everything together.

Heather:

• Raising twins is hard and very costly because we always get hit with double the bill. Soccer registration was double, preschool tuition was double, camp fees are double, birthdays times two, etc.
• When one of our twins had their first sleepover, the other one had to soon follow because you don’t have the luxury of saying “your sibling is older, that is why they can do x,y,z and you can’t”. You have to be more fair in those regards.
• Fundraisers are hard and class activities double up as well.
• It is hard with twins when the kids learn at different levels. Although they are learning the same stuff at school, typically one will learn faster than the other, this then causes the other child to feel they can’t do it as well and loses interest.
• There truly is a dominant twin!

Jen:

• Twins draw a lot of attention. Luckily, I am not someone who is bothered with making small talk with strangers.
• Having twins or multiples can be isolating. It makes it much harder to socialize and I think it is hard for people to understand why you are so withdrawn…at the beginning you are just trying to keep everyone alive.
• Transitions are hard! With Lydia, I was excited to try solid foods, to move to a different car seat, to move to the next thing whatever it was. With the twins I never wanted to change the routine. It was scary to drop bottles or add in solids b/c you had a routine that was working and did not want to rock the boat.
• Kids grow up fast,,,we all know that. Seems like life with twins goes even faster.
• Twins can be double the fun for sure and they are such a blessing. We get to enjoy double the love, double the snuggles, double the kisses, double the tantrums, and double the tears. Essentially, life raising twins is amplified because every stage, good or bad is amplified.
• It is mind boggling how much time my twins spend together. Other than sleeping, they have only been apart for doctor visits. They do their well check visits together, but the first time I took my son to the doctor for an ear infection by himself we got halfway to the medical office and he asked, “Where is my sister?” and I realized he could not remember riding in the car without her.

This concludes my series on twin moms and I know only covered a fraction of what can be discussed when it comes to multiples and parenting. After talking with these excellent mothers, I found it amazing what I take for granted in my hectic household of singletons. I hope this article offered some good perspectives and advice for all.

If you have any questions or comments for me on this article, please leave a message on our website or send an email to kelly@familyfootnote.com