Three Things I Learned About My Kids

Last month, my family and I were lucky enough to take a vacation to Florida to visit my sister, splash around in the Atlantic Ocean, and eat our weight in fresh seafood. Traveling with a family of five is always an event no matter the destination, and that much time together always shows me new sides of my children. 

My three kids are busy creatures, and sometimes I feel like I am just on the periphery of their lives — a bystander to the activities they love. This last trip with them was a unique one. It would be our last trip where everyone is still under the same roof, and this fact was not lost on me. I think this is what made me really pay attention to how much they were enjoying themselves. And as I did this, I learned a lot more about them.

They’re Brave

Full disclosure: I’m not really what you call a traveler or a trier at all, but I do enjoy watching others face their fears and gain the thrill of adrenaline. On this trip, my kids didn’t bat an eye at airplane turbulence, 60-degree ocean water, or face-melting roller coasters. My boys had always been adventurous, but my daughter joined in on the fun.

My ten-year-old daughter is a doer, and she told herself many things before this trip. One of the things she said she would do was make herself try a rollercoaster. Now, I’ve promised myself many things, and I have never felt bad when they didn’t pan out. My little blonde-haired daredevil joined her teenage brothers on her first roller coaster. As the crowds unloaded and I waited anxiously for my little girl to dismount the ride, I watched grown-ups scared to tears dismounting the very ride I had given permission for my daughter to ride. I definitely had second thoughts about my parenting. 

Should I have let her go? 

What have I done? 

She’s only ten. 

That’s when I saw her and her two brothers bounding out of the ride, smiling from ear to ear at the thrill they had all just shared.  I reminded myself at that moment that I needed to trust that my kids are resilient. Sure, it’s a theme park, and this isn’t real life, but if she can stand by her word, face her fears, and smile about it later here, she can do the same when real life tries to throw things at her that are hard. 

They’re Navigators

While in Florida, we needed a co-pilot for my husband as we wound our way around an unfamiliar state. I gave up my shotgun position in the car to my sons. Both are about a foot taller than I am and needed legroom. The beauty of this was that they were in the hot seat for navigation. I watched as they expertly helped get our car from point a to point b. In addition, any place we walked, my boys’ internal compass never failed. I learned to let go of control in those situations and defer to my 13 year old’s photographic memory or my 16 year old’s ability to read a map. I know they didn’t get this from me.

I’m so thankful for the opportunity to trust them to get us to the right place. They did each time, and I thought about how that makes this age so special. Maybe I don’t need to control them as they navigate in life either. Maybe I can start to relax a bit and trust that they’ve got this.

They’re Grateful

So much of my life is me barking reminders of “Say thank you” or “Appreciate what you have and don’t be ungrateful”. But while on this vacation, I didn’t have to do as much. My children were simply thankful. The fighting wasn’t absent but it was less, and I heard more than once and at separate times the words “Thank you so much, mom. I loved this.” 

This might have been the best thing to learn. I’ve read in multiple places that thankful people have a harder time being upset about their position in life. I’ve reminded my children multiple times that they are fortunate, that they have very little to complain about, and that they should be thankful for the ups and downs in life. On this trip, while we had a lot of family time, I saw and heard their gratitude more. 

Maybe they’re going to be okay. Maybe they are thankful without reminders from me.

I knew this trip would be exciting, but I didn’t know it would be a learning experience for me in letting go a little (or a lot). We were connecting, but I was also standing back and recognizing my children and their abilities to be brave, know where they’re going, etc. They are brave. They can navigate their own paths better than I gave them credit for, and most importantly, they are grateful for what they have. This parenting gig is difficult, but celebrating the humans they’ve become is important.