Embracing Family Mealtime

My family is not one to shy away from eating out at restaurants or going all in on a picnic style dinner in the basement. I love mealtime because it means food, friendship, and family. If I get to break away from the kids for an evening, I always want a restaurant to be in the plans. Sitting at the counter to eat, when I am home alone with my children, is the time that I am most relaxed during our busy days. I enjoy “breaking bread” with loved ones and will take the chance whenever it is available.

Mealtime is important to me from a social and nutritional point of view. It is a chance to discuss the day and get to know my kids a little bit better now that they are growing up and spending more and more hours away from the nest. Manners and etiquette can also be taught at the kitchen table.

Social Interaction

There is no better time to do a question and answer session with little ones and a spouse than during mealtime. My husband and I got rid of our kitchen TV about seven years ago, and it has been a great thing. The background noise of sitcoms or cartoons are no longer a nuisance or hostage negotiation when trying to get our children to talk with us while ingesting breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

My family is loud and most of us have a bad habit of talking over people. We are trying to get my four-year-old son to raise his hand and wait before shouting out what he did that day in preschool. My children are all still young enough to enjoy conversing with mom and dad, so the dialogue rarely slows down no matter the subject. I try hard to ask open ended questions that go far beyond a simple yes or no response. It is amazing what you can learn about your child’s day, friends, favorite things, bad moments, etc. by asking an obscure question that demands a multi-word response. Examples:

• Who sat next to you and across from you at lunch today?
• What were the best and worst moments of the day?
• Did you have any dreams last night?
• What are you looking forward to doing tonight or tomorrow?

Strong communication between family members is important, and it helps my tribe and me learn to be better listeners and support systems.

Manners/Etiquette

Good manners are important, yet our entire family struggles in this department. My mom taught me at a young age to always put my napkin on my lap while eating. It doesn’t matter if I am eating at Jimmy John’s or a fine-dining establishment, my legs feel naked if they are not covered by paper or linen at mealtime. In my childhood memory my mom had to tell me this rule exactly one time and presto chango… I became a marvel of etiquette as it pertained to wiping greasy fingers on my napkin (and not my culottes) and cleaning my lips and cheeks immediately after consuming a messy bite.

For whatever reason, my children are taking YEARS to commit this general etiquette rule to memory, and in the meantime I am scrubbing stains courtesy of ketchup, blueberries, milk, and more out of leggings, skirts, shorts, and pajama pants on a consistent basis. The napkin is there to help! I swear it is not a punishment. By placing the napkin on one’s lap, it can serve as an invisible force field that keeps butts in the seats. My children would eat while attempting a handstand if I let them. It’s like they have squirrels in their pockets, because no one ever wants to just sit still and consume food. We are a work in progress, always.

Eating at Restaurants

Where my kids fail in napkin placement, they make up for it in restaurant behavior (generally speaking). We—of course—have had our train-wreck nights where no one eats, we leave in tears, and my husband and I both silently curse ourselves for not just opting for a scrambled egg supper versus an explosive Texas Roadhouse experience. These train-wrecks are the exception, because normally my kids eat out very well. We don’t even have to use screens. It helps that we began doing lunch dates early, and my kids got used to entertaining themselves via coloring books and conversation.

A friend of mine had her kids start ordering for themselves at a young age, and we have followed suit. The little ones like feeling important and having the waiter’s attention, plus my older daughters get to work on their communication skills as they pertain to speaking up, listening to others, making eye contact, and saying please/thank-you. It seems like a small thing, but I have gotten a lot of compliments from wait staff who appreciate my kids paying attention to the server and knowing what they want when it is time to place an order.

Mealtime is a priority at my house and it was a priority in my childhood, thanks to the great example set forth by my parents. I love being with my family and as we get busier and busier with school, work, writing projects, and extra-curricular activities our quantity of togetherness time diminishes. Therefore, the quality moments of sitting down to eat a meal make for precious occasions.