Suicide and Depression: The Conversation
For as long as I can remember, I have feared the topic of suicide. As children, our teenage conversations scraped the surface of what drives people to this end, but my brain treated the topic of suicide as a forbidden land. Like, if I looked too closely at what makes people think this is their only option, maybe I would consider it as well. I never got to that point as an adolescent. I never felt like that was the way out for me. I never wanted out (then or now). Lately, there are so many people turning to suicide, and our kids are starting to ask questions. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention claim that suicide rates have gone up 28% since 1999. And CNN reports that 45,000 people took their lives in 2016 alone.
As a parent
As a parent, I worry that one of my children will feel alone and helpless, and I will not be the wiser. I want my babies to know the world is better with them in it. That as long as we have life and love, nothing can stop us. There is always something to live for. There is always another adventure. There is always another reason to keep pumping good into this world. I want my oldest to know how proud he makes us. I want my middle to know how much laughter he brings into our hearts. And I want my daughter to know she redefined the word “fierce” for us. The concerns I have center around making sure they know their personal worth. How do I keep them going when times get dark? When the fight for life hurts, how do my husband and I make sure they’re safe?
As an educator
As a teacher, I have lost colleagues to suicide, and my coworkers have lost students, my friends have lost parents. It is still something I don’t understand. But as a teacher–a writing teacher at that–suicide is something that is constantly on my radar. When I read assignments that take a dark turn by my students, I am constantly on guard. Thoughts like, Is this about him or is this fictional? Is she safe? Does this person know how important she is to her family, her school, or community? How can I let him know he is valued and loved? As a teacher, I never allow that question to linger without a direct conversation with my student. My teacher friends do the same. We meet these kids head-on with concern and care.
Training
In the past, teachers, parents, and the general population have had minimal training when it comes to mental health. It is an epidemic that is growing at undeniable rates. My school district is responding with mental health training for the upcoming school year. The district has hired full time mental health professionals, and they are putting the word “suicide” front and center. The school’s counseling center works hard to let students know there are people with whom they can speak, and teachers go to the counselors when there is a fear of self harm, abuse, or suicidal thoughts for a pupil. If you’d like more information on where to turn for help, check out the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
The conversation
As an adult, I now know the only way to confront this topic is by acknowledging the problem. Every time we lose a friend, a colleague, a parent, a student, or even a public figure to suicide we need to answer our kids’ questions. A resource from Today.com is very helpful. It breaks down the conversation parents can have based on age.
At home
As for our children, parents can do many things at home to combat feelings of despair in children as they age. The advice I have found centers around face-to-face parenting and conversation. Victoria Prooday, a registered occupational therapist and psychotherapist, mentioned that parents can do four simple things in her article, The Silent Tragedy Affecting Today’s Children.
- Set limits
- Teach responsibility
- Teach delayed gratification and allow boredom
- Unplug and be emotionally available for kids
There are resources out there. There are people with whom those struggling can speak. All sources seem to agree that talking about depression, mental health, and suicide is the most proactive approach parents can take when helping kids work through their questions. At home, parents can unplug, be consistent with consequences, and allow downtime for kids to experience creative play within boredom. The ideas listed are not one-size-fits-all solutions, but they are a start. We are in this together. Our children need us now more than ever.
What resources have you found to discuss these topics? We’d love for you to share with us.
Excellent post Tessa! As an OT myself I feel so strongly that technology is the key to the fall of our society’s mental health. Not that technology is bad but its not used in moderation. From an OTs perspective, kids and adults need sensory stimulation from their environments (inside and outside), movement, and boredom to stimulate imaginary play. All of these things allow the proper development of the brain. Sitting in front of a piece of technology does not allow this. In addition to this, the parent that can’t unplug isn’t able to provide the attention and support for parenting which includes setting limits, having chores, and listening. Technology establishes the expectation for instant gratification, the “microwave society,” as I once heard it called, which leaves us and our kids not understanding how to handle failure causing anxiety and depression. Being an “unplugged parent” to explain these emotions and offering coping mechanisms doesn’t always happen. Thanks again for your insightful post! I couldn’t agree more.
It is so refreshing to read your comment, Cortni. I see it in my high school students as well. We need to get back to face-to-face contact and attention. I have never heard of the “microwave society” but yes, that’s a perfect analogy. Thank you, again, for reading and commenting.
Great words that give parents hope, encouragement and resources! Thank you. I am coordinating an mental health first aid training course offering to the peeps at my church in July. I am so looking forward to it, as mental health training is as important as CPR. Opening the door of conversation thru education will inspire confidence and action which I think you have done with this piece!
Thank you, Stacia. I completely agree that we need more mental health training. I know the teachers in my building are asking for more. Once we can take care of each other, we can move forward together. Thank you for offering a course, for reading, and for commenting.
Nice Job Tessa – This is a very sad, but real topic. Your insights and door opening options will be helpful to all ages.
Thank you, Jane. Yes, I found these resources to be very helpful. The more we know, the more we can do. Thank you for reading!