Something About You Is Perfect

Now more than ever moms are put on trial for how they raise their kids. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat are all places that grow mom-shame. Whether self-inflicted or society inflicted, it hurts. Social media has its good parts, but I have been guilty of occasionally using the Internet for comparison. I have scrolled through a Facebook feed thinking:

How in the world does she do it all? She’s amazing. Her kids have full rides to college AND she has six-pack abs?! Wait, what am I doing with MY life? Will my kids find this much success? I want a six-pack, but I love food.”

It ends up being a shame spiral I create for myself based on my perceived shortcomings, and it’s put in motion by simply observing the success of others who I consider to have it all together. Now, we know we’ve all got stuff, and that stuff can make us crazy. Sometimes it feels like–in comparison–other women seem to hide their stuff really well. Sometimes, I feel like my stuff is sitting on the front lawn, illuminated in fluorescent lights for all to see. Like when my kids exit our house in the middle of a full-blown sibling fight, voices raised for all the neighbors to hear. Or when I back out of my garage and drive right over a tricycle. 

Our Past Seasons

Sometimes, our pasts can play a huge role in our shame-cycles and drive home our imperfections.

• “I didn’t have my third kid listen to Baby Mozart when she was in the womb.”

• “I didn’t complete a baby book for my second kid because I was so tired from completing the first kid’s.”

• “I chose to work outside of the home, was that a mistake?”

• “I chose to be a SAHM, was that a mistake?”

• “I let my kids eat food that isn’t organic.”

I am almost done reading Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker. My friend suggested it, and I am loving it so far. Hatmaker addresses many things about life as a female that resonate with me, but one part of her book presented an alternate way to view the past. She describes past sections of her life as “seasons”. If I viewed my life in Hatmaker’s terms, my high school self went through a season of comfort; in college, I was in my incredibly confused season; and in my late twenties and early thirties, I was in a family-building season. Right now, in this great season, I can see that it might be one of analysis, and it feels pretty wonderful to be here, although it is far from perfect. 

In my current, analysis season, I can see that I still have a lot of growing to do as a human.

• I really need to eat cleaner.
• I should probably take home less work than I do and use this time to hang with my kids.
• I know I need to take the word “busy” out of my vocabulary.
• I am really imperfect in my actions and words with my family.
• I would love to finally work a yoga regimen into my workout schedule.
• Volunteering my time needs to be second-nature by now.

This season of analysis has allowed me to embrace my messy life and relax in the idea that success is less about stuff and more about who surrounds me. Nothing about the minutiae of life is perfect. But, I’ve come to realize that even though there is much that holds us back from perfection as moms, there is one thing we get 100% right. 

 

What is Perfect?

For all that is imperfect about us as moms, the one thing we all get right is how we love our kids. The love we have for them is pure. It is real. It is terrifyingly raw. It is perfect. If you find yourself in a season of shame-cycling where you look for all that is imperfect about you, remember, the only thing that matters in this entire world is the love you have for your kids. It’s what keeps them safe. It’s what makes them thrive. Your love for them is what drives them to succeed. Your love for your kids reassures them that they are enough. Your love for your kids is absolutely perfect. And in life, that’s really all that matters. Turn off your social media, embrace the seasons that made you who you are, and silence your shame cycle. Your. Love. Is. Perfect.