Move Over Lawnmower Parents, There’s a New Style in Town

How would you define your parenting style? Are you: Lawnmower? Helicopter? Attachment? Tiger? Free-range? A mixture of many? I had often wondered about these labels, but I didn’t know what most of them meant. However, in light of the newest parenting scandal involving high-priced bribes in return for college admittance, a new title has emerged, and it is more damaging than the others. It goes by the name of “snow plow” parenting. It’s easy to argue that labeling a parenting style shows that we Americans have too much time on our hands, and it seems we’ve also invented a new way of judgment. However, I find the categories interesting, nonetheless. Here are the top three parenting styles defined.

Helicopter Parenting

Thirteen years ago, when I had my first child, the biggest stereotype in parenting was called “helicopter” parenting. I remember hearing about these moms and dads while pregnant with my soon-to-be freshman in high school, and shaking my head. I promised myself I would work very hard to make sure I never did the kind of parenting these copter parents did. You know, hovering over him, making sure he was safe no matter what, being with him at all times, etc. (It is also worth mentioning that I didn’t think I’d let him watch TV, and I sure as heck wouldn’t be buying an Xbox, but those proclamations fizzled. I’ve always had a great imagination.) 

At the time, there was no parent more villainous than the hovering, helicopter parent. However, I was confused. Having been raised in a home where free-play was encouraged, and the neighborhood boundaries were my childhood limits, I battled feelings of parenting confusion with my own son. Some researchers warned that helicopter parenting could harm our kids’ ability to problem-solve, but hands-off parenting (letting children roam too far away without permission) could harm our children even more in terms of stranger-danger and isolation. It was a confusing time, but I found a happy-medium that worked for me. My neighbors and I take part in a sort of “parenting zone defense” in our cul-de-sac, and we still implement some street light curfews.

Lawnmower Parenting

A year or two ago, we were introduced to lawnmower parenting. It took helicopter child-rearing to the next level. Not only were parents watching their child’s every move, but they were smoothing a path to help them avoid even minor inconveniences, making our children “soft”. Lawnmower parents do things like leave work to bring their high school student a favorite fast food treat for lunch, calling their child out of school if the newest video game was released that day, and getting involved in childhood arguments by fighting battles for students including a “B” in a class or an argument with another child’s parent.

When I read about lawnmower parenting a couple of years ago, I could see this emerging in some of the youth I knew, and I made a promise to myself once again to lean more towards free-range. Lawnmower parenting seemed dangerous to me. How would children learn to survive everyday life if they had no practice in overcoming obstacles? This had to be the worst kind of damage, right? Wrong. Enter–the snowplow parent.

Snowplow Parenting

Lawnmower and snowplow parenting sound similar. Removing obstacles so that children have a smooth ride in life seems to be the goal of each; however, after reading about this new definition and watching an episode of the Today Show, snowplow parenting is next-level over-parenting. It can damage young-adult children like those in the recent university scandals where wealthy parents paid millions of dollars to an admissions counselor who used the money to lie and bribe. Although this is an extreme example, it sends the message to kids that they aren’t good enough to survive setbacks in life, and it can lead to even more anxiety and depression. While parents think they are helping, they’re actually making life a whole lot harder to handle. 

According to relationship therapist, Dr. Argie Allen Wilson, “Removing all obstacles so the children don’t even know about the problem, so they think there is a smooth path to life, which isn’t the case.” It sends them the message that they aren’t good enough. She says, “Failing forward gives us fuel” and that is what our kids need most. A way to recover after a set-back. This isn’t just good advice for older kids. We can start combating this type of parenting when they are young.

Toddler Years

In the toddler years. Dr. Wilson said, “Yes, help and guide them, but don’t do everything for them.” Instead she recommends talking to them during times of strife and asking them, “What do you think you should do?” Opening a conversation with your child about his or her choices is empowering and such good practice for when the obstacle get bigger than the neighborhood quarrels.

No matter what, parents love their children. Social media allows us compare and judge, and I feel that these labels perpetuate that a bit. However, there is something behind letting kids try and fail. It shows them that we believe in them and their ability to handle strife. It sets them up to be gritty adults, and we absolutely need those right now.