Motherhood Is…
The other day, I asked myself the ultimate question: “Am I the mother I thought I’d be all of those years ago?” I quickly realized I really don’t have a perfect answer to that question. Before we began our family, I thought I had an idea of what motherhood was, but it is actually so much more.
Now that I am a mother, I realize, motherhood is…everything.
It’s a Tsunami
At first, motherhood is a tsunami. It completely alters your life, rendering you scrambling for a new normal, knocking you off balance, sending you searching for a sense of sanity, a facade of control.
Motherhood is all-encompassing. Everything you thought was important pre-kid is insignificant background noise to the little life you are nurturing. Her successes are your successes. His failures are your failures. Her happiness is your happiness.
Quite honestly, motherhood is disgusting. Before your children, you’d never be caught in a full-on conversation about bowel movements and drool. About mucus color and urination schedules. But here you are and those conversations are incredibly interesting when you’re in the throes of cold and flu season.
It’s Aggressive
Motherhood is aggressive. It makes you face yourself, and it forces you to discover what you’re made of. It’s not for the weak of soul or the faint of heart. Motherhood will make you question your endurance and sanity. It will punch you in the gut one day and lift your heart high the next.
Finally, to me, motherhood is everything. It is where I constantly focus my energy. It’s loving fiercely. It’s soaring higher than ever before. It’s brave. It’s unending. It’s infinite. It’s as genuine as I’ve ever been. It’s every single thing that has ever mattered.
Am I Who I Thought I’d Be?
The answer to “Am I the mother I thought I’d be?” is impossible to find. Before kids, I never understood what it could be like to love this bravely. To live so vulnerably. To feel so full of life.
I am nowhere near the mother I thought I’d be because I didn’t know the definition of motherhood before I became one. Now that I do, I am in love with all that motherhood is.