Focus On Your Game
My favorite thing to do is watch my children perform on stage or play their favorite sports. I knew I’d love this part of parenting. I couldn’t wait to be a mother in the stands. However, with the title of #1 Fan, I also have spirits to raise and frustrations to hear from my player or performer. In that role, I try to keep things productive and positive. When all else fails, I drive straight to Dairy Queen and get the kid a blizzard. It works every time.
What Part of Your Game is Weak?
Recently, one of my kids had a tough basketball game. His team won, but he didn’t feel like he contributed. Even though he had no points on the board, we call my dude “the disrupter”. He’s wonderful defensively, rarely fouling, beating the other team down the court, and getting in their faces for turnovers. However, after this particular game, all he could do was concentrate on his lack of points. I found myself saying to him, “Well, your defense is good. Now just focus on the part of your game that is weak and get better.” He nodded, and I think that meant he agreed. No blizzard trip needed after this game.
Take My Own Advice
That same day, I was caught in some severe thought spirals about how I wish I was a better mom, a more effective teacher, a better friend, wife, etc. I get this way when I feel like I’m falling behind in an area of my life or letting people down who count on me. I let myself get down for a solid ten minutes, and then I tried to refocus my energy so it was productive.
It was at that moment that my own words floated back into my head. “It does no good beating yourself up with these thoughts. Focus on the part of your game that is weak and get better.” My kids will oftentimes let me know when I’m not taking my own advice. Here I was doing the same thing I told my basketball player not to do.
Refocus My Game
It was way more productive to zero in on ways to improve my mom-game. I thought of the ways I could focus on my own children more at home. Shooting hoops in the driveway, reading, and cooking with the younger two work, and feeding my oldest never fails. This way we can do the things we like, but I also get some one-on-one time with my favorites.
At work, sending positive emails to parents about their kids helps me focus on the good that surrounds me each day, and it certainly helps them. With my husband, we are so due for even just a good, ten-minute conversation. We designated Wednesday night grilling night. We have no activities outside of the house and no reason NOT to hang out. Who cares if it will be 32 degrees. It will be our only chance to talk in person during the week.
As parents, professionals, and adults, it serves us well to be productive and positive. Sometimes, we feel like failures in parenting, but if we really broke it down, we’re probably doing a great job 95% of the time. If we focus on the 5% that has us stressed, that’s more productive. Maybe it’s yelling less, slowing down, or taking more time to talk to our kiddos.
Professionally, it’s the same thing. In friendship, with our significant others, and with our goals, I have to think we are doing well 95% of the time. By isolating a specific area that needs attention, we can get more accomplished.
Focus and Celebrate
So I challenge you to take this same approach my kid and I are taking. When life gets heavy and guilt seeps into your brain, focus on the part that needs work, and celebrate the rest. If that doesn’t work, drive to your nearest Dairy Queen and get yourself a blizzard.