Communication: A Dying Art

I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by kids all day. I enjoy the “kid-isms” that make the ages I teach so fun. My students teach me about music, FortNite, and technology. I teach them about Harper Lee, short story structure, and thesis statements. This year, at home and at school, I’ve got a new focus on an old skill. I’m trying to revive the skill of face-to-face communication.

Communicating is an art

For as connected as our children are with each other, face-to-face communication is lagging. I don’t blame kids. They’ve got so many distractions begging for their attention. Teens and younger kids don’t really have to communicate with another human being in person to be entertained anymore. Due to this, mastering the magic of conversation is difficult.

Although my title of this piece is a bit fun, I do see the art in speaking with another human. This is not another “kids these days” post; it is a piece based on my observations. Kids may need to be explicitly taught how to respectfully and effectively speak to others. It’s a skill that is difficult in this crazy world, and when done properly, communicating is absolutely an art.

The art of eye contact

Whether it’s my ten-year-old at home or other people’s children in the hallway of my school, I do what I can to meet their eyes, smile, and greet them. There is a certain confidence that comes with eye contact. It not only suggests that a person respects the other one coming his or her way, but it also tells the recipient of the greeting that the communicator acknowledges that he or she is alive.

In the classroom

Some cultures do not expect eye contact and to some, it can be seen as disrespectful. According to Point Park University, “In many Asian cultures, avoiding eye contact is seen as a sign of respect. However, those in Latin and North America consider eye contact important for conveying equality among individuals.” Some of my students do come from other countries, so making eye contact isn’t always natural for them. Teaching children what is customary in the country in which they will be searching for employment is helpful. 

At home

Eye contact during conversation is another skill that can be hard for young people. When I need my kids to really listen to what I have to say, their eye contact with me shows they know the seriousness of the conversation. My intention with teaching and practicing eye contact is to help my kids and my students show respect, nail a job interview, and acknowledge the other people who exist around them. It’s not always possible or necessary to meet the eyes of every individual passing by, but more often than not, it is a form of polite communication that can help validate other individuals.

The art of accepting criticism

As a writer, I’ve gotten really good at receiving criticism, and my 170 or so teenage students will tell me the minute they see something I could have done better. And don’t even get me started on my 7-year-old and her opinions on dinner each night. Basically, I get a lot of daily practice when it comes to accepting criticism, but for young people it can be a difficult task. However, it is a skill that if mastered at least 90% of the time, it could lead to personal growth.

In the classroom

When I explicitly teach accepting criticism in the classroom, it looks different depending on the situation. My class will  actually role play in front of the room. The kids think it’s fun, and they are able to witness the proper way to accept criticism. If it’s behavioral criticism, I ask them to look that person in the eye, apologize for the behavior that was insubordinate, and call the person sir or ma’am when leaving the situation. We actually have the kids show what not to do as well. They have fun with this part. They will do things like just say “no” and leave the room, argue with the teacher or principal when discussing the act that got them in trouble, or do anything possible to avoid eye contact in a critiquing situation. It may sound silly but 15-year-olds learn by role playing in this way often.

At home

Accepting criticism is also hard for my kids at home, especially one of them in particular. My husband says this may or may not come from me. (I’ve been known to argue with some of my hub’s criticisms even if I know he’s right. I’m working on this!) Our worst fear is that an attitude of rejecting criticism will lead to one of our children being uncoachable, which is a pointed way to say disrespectful. We have been talking one of our kids through scenarios and are trying to explain why rolling his eyes or stomping off mad isn’t the best way to handle a situation where someone is taking time to make him better. It’s a work in progress, but we are seeing him take more accountability for his actions and being more respectful to the coaches. To me, there is little difference between being successful on the field or in the classroom as it pertains to success in the real world. After all, where there is struggle, there is growth.

What are your tricks to help your children become good communicators? We’d love to hear what works for you. Comment on our Facebook, Twitter, or Blog. Thank you for reading!