It Really Does Take A Village

To carpool and conquer, one must rely on the “village”. These folks for me include an awesome group of parents who go out of their way for my family. The “village” will shuttle my children around town, buy them dinner, discipline them, and/or just give me a hand during life’s constant hustle.

I Am Sorry 

I actually owe the “village” an apology. There were a lot of years, in my not so recent past, when I grumbled about the whole motto of “It takes a village”. Those snarky complaints usually came on the days when I really just needed a hula-hoop of space. Or when I selfishly thought the “village” was trying to replace the role of moms and dads, which it never could ever do for anyone. Parental units are too incredibly vital. 

My anti-village sarcastic thoughts could also have been due to a lack of caffeine and sleep. For a while there, it was like I was always pregnant and feeling nauseous. Plus post-pregnancy did not always bring out my bright side because when you have a baby in tow, there are many jobs that a mom must do alone. The “village” can be extremely helpful, but it does not breastfeed or pump or elbow my husband so he rises to change a midnight diaper. 

Even during my brief episodes of ungratefulness, the “village” took care of me. They offered up play-dates, grocery runs, and home-cooked meals during the newborn years. The help was appreciated and my neighbor’s cheese-stuffed meatloaf, after the birth of my third child, is probably what motivated me to have a fourth baby.

The Carpool Chaos

It is so much easier to see how important a “village” is as my kids get older. The hustle and bustle of extra-curricular activities is no joke. My older children have a love for sports, music, and theater. This means after-school practices, as well as late evening rehearsals, occur often. It can be a conundrum because my kids attend school in different buildings, plus the late-night stuff often interferes with my youngest’s bedtime. Enter in a husband who works long hours with occasional travel, and I would need some quantum leap physics to get it done alone.

Enter my “village”. Over the years, I have had mom friends pick up my daughters from school and go out of their way to drop them at an activity. These moms may not even have their kiddos in the same extra-curricular event or even have a reason for going in that direction, yet they offer and I accept.

I am also the queen of group texting and carpool peer pressure. For every activity, I am usually the first one offering to drive one-way and then making it painfully awkward for others not to reciprocate. It has to be done though. If I did not carpool, my two-year-old and I would never see the outside of our minivan. 

Taking the Help

Probably the hardest part for me with the whole “It Takes a Village” concept is that I wear my strength and independence like a parenting apron of honor. That super mom title just sounds so awesome, but also incredibly unrealistic. Accepting help from others is the greatest gift I have ever given myself. It is also good for my children. They get to know other adults, make more friends, and be around others. 

The “village” help is amazing for those little things that are not big enough to warrant burning a grandparent-favor. Like the times when I have an appointment or duty that means I need someone to get my children off of the bus and not murdered for just like ten minutes until I make my way home. My “village” also gets a blue ribbon for assisting during a 60-90 minute scenario when I actually have to leave my house and sweatpants for a writing job that coincides with my son’s nap. I have more than once coerced a friend or neighbor into coming to my house to sit in the quiet while my toddler snoozes. They also have to pet my cuddle loving dog. However, that is actually a bonus to the whole “village” favor thing, so maybe it is all even? 

The “Village” Loop

Accepting help from the “village” makes me more generous too. I have done my fair share of offering rides, watching little ones, and coordinating schedules. But, I have to admit there is an ulterior motive. By being a constant in the carpool lane or sideline circle, I am more in the loop.

By really knowing the “village” that is helping with my family, I am staying close with my kids. As a pilot of the carpool shuttle, I get to hear more secondhand information. I learn about their friends or school issues or what is happening at soccer practice. It feels incredible to be in the know. Also, I am practical enough to understand that my kids will not tell me everything. So gaining some insider knowledge via their teammates and pals allows me to stay connected.

I love my “village” of neighbors, friends, and extended family. Their help makes life so much sweeter. Another fantastic thing is that as my children grow up, the “village” changes and evolves. Good people are always welcomed, and needed, especially when it comes to helping me and my “village” get through parenthood with fond memories.